The Relationship Breakup
There are three sides to a rebound relationship. They happen when a couple go through a breakup and one of them gets into a new relationship soon afterwards. Then, of course, there is the new partner, the one this article is really about. Before we go into that though, lets have a quick look at this trio.
For, at least one out of the couple, the breakup will not come as a shock. The relationship breakup is seldom a spur of the moment thing, the partner initiating the breakup has probably been working up to it for some time, maybe even for months. So they have had time to come to terms with the breakup and the reasons behind it. If this partner dives straight into a new relationship, at least it will be with their eyes open and fully aware of what they are doing. This type of rebound relationship, although not recommended, stands the best chance of succeeding.
The other partner either had some inkling of the imminent breakup or it took them completely by surprise. In either case, they would not have been ready for it, and certainly not emotionally prepared, when it happened. This leaves them psychologically and emotionally frail, and to jump straight into another relationship before any healing has taken place is a huge mistake. This type of rebound relationship seldom lasts any length of time.
The third side of the rebound relationship is the new partner. They are going to have an awful lot to deal with. If they are aware that they are involved in a rebound relationship from the beginning, then perhaps they can cope with all the inevitable insecurities that are going to arise from it. They may be able to help their new partner through their ordeal. But, the chances are that they will not have the necessary expertise to do this. It will take a great deal of patience and understanding. If they are unaware that their new relationship is a rebound one, then they are in for a really rough time.
I you are in this situation and you either know or suspect that your new partner hasn't yet got over their previous relationship then you'll likely be worried about whether they are committed to you. It would be normal to wonder how a rebound relationship can work, particularly if there are unresolved feelings left from their previous relationship.
Often rebound relationships can be nothing more than a band aid solution for the pain and hurt inflicted by the previous lover. If the person getting involved in the new relationship was the one to end the old one, It would be less worrying. Usually people have been thinking of ending a relationship for ages before the event actually happens. By the time they get to finish it, they may have worked through their feelings and be ready to move on.
This doesn't apply to the person who didn't instigate the previous breakup and becomes quickly involved in a new relationship. Some people cannot bear to be on their own so will flit from person to person in an effort to avoid dealing with the issues leading to the breakup. They are used to being part of a couple. They have an inherent need for someone to love them and need them and, because of this insecurity, they can become deeply emotionally involved very quickly. Ironically this is often the reason for the rebound relationship breaking up as the new partner feels smothered by this level of neediness.
It is worth noting that someone on the rebound often isn't even aware of what they are doing. They are hurting emotionally and mentally and can crave comfort from another human being. This can mean that they end up in a relationship for the sake of having somebody to hold rather than to be with that person. Their new partner can get very hurt as the realisation sets in that they aren't loved for their individuality as much as the fact that they can provide a quick fix solution to a painful situation.
It is always wise to date people who have just come out of a relationship with care. Take things slowly and try to make sure that it is you they are interested in before becoming emotionally involved. Everyone needs time on their own, particularly if they've just come out of a long term relationship.
It is a little like grieving - there is a process that you must go through in order to emerge a strong and independent person at the end of it. For most people divorce and the breakup of a relationship means the end of a dream, even if you were the one to instigate the breakup. Everyone will have some feelings of regret if only for not having the fairytale ending.
If you do find yourself involved with someone who you suspect is on the rebound, gently advise them to spend some time on their own working through their emotions. Encourage them to date other people casually. Keep in contact with them if you are interested in a long term relationship. If you two are destined to be together, it will happen although maybe not right away. This is really the only way to ensure how a rebound relationship can work for you.
The rebound relationship breakup will always be a tricky one to deal with. Relationship counsellors are expertly trained professionals who can help tremendously with the breakup of a relationship and coming to terms with the loss and the emotional upset.
